11.13.09 COMIC BOOK ON TWILIGHT AUTHOR SUCKS

   3 girls, 87 cats

The “Female Force” biography of “Twilight” creator Stephenie Meyer was released this week, and — judging from the artwork and text — they started writing it last week.  Via comicsalliance:

When you’re doing a biography of Stephenie Meyer, you’re going to run into a problem right off the bat, namely the fact that Stephanie Meyer is really f–king boring. [...] We can sum up her entire life in twenty words. Watch:
“Stephenie Meyer grew up in the Southwest, got married, had kids, wrote some books about vampires and got rich. Batman.”
We threw “Batman” in there to make it more exciting.

They nonetheless wrote a 28-page comic book about her life.  Narrated by Dracula.  The comicsalliance article dissects just how awful it is, but I’d like to hit a few of the key points:

• One page (3.6% of the book) is a topographic map of Arizona and an explanation of why her name is spelled stupidly.  Because both these things are just that important.
• The illustrator misspelled “diner” and the writer mispelled her husband’s name (Christian) and nobody caught it.  Because both these words are hard to spell.
• One page is a map of Utah in the creases of someone’s hand.  Another map is exactly what this needed.
• Three pages (over 10% of the book) show Dracula eating a spider -OR- Three pages show Dracula shopping for a better rate on car insurance.  Guess which one is real and which one is fake and equally lame.