You all have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to type both Sarah Palin and 4Chan into the same sentence and have it be a legitimate news-worthy report. See, back in September of 2008, you may remember that dude from Tennessee, David Kernell, who hacked into Sarah Palin’s personal e-mail account and PWND her hard by posting the passwords via 4Chan. Well yesterday, prosecutors called in Christopher “Moot” Poole, administrator and founder of 4Chan, to testify regarding the site. Oh but don’t you worry your little heart, things got f–king glorious when Moot took the stand. Like Judge Dredd, Poole basically had to drop a lesson in Thread Slang 101 on the judge and jury.
What’s that, BusinessInsider? Somebody’s trapped in the well:
Moot was called in to testify about 4Chan and the data he turned over to investigators. But, for some reason, both the prosecution and defense felt the need to question him about 4Chan slang. Nothing in the rest of the testimony makes it clear why these questions needed to be asked, but they’re a lot of fun…
Via the Smoking Gun:
Q: And is there any significance to “new fags”?
A: That is the term used to describe new users to the site.
Q: What about “b tard”?
…Q: And the term “rickroll” you said it tries to make people go to a site where they think it is going to be one thing, but it is a video of Rick Astley, is that right?
A: Yes.
Q: He was some kind of singer?
A: Yes.
Q: It’s a joke?
A: Yes.
Holy sh-t, you couldn’t write a science fiction novel this good, let alone an entire testimony. But hey, that’s not for me to decide -and that is why I’ve posted the entire 29-page document below (with help from Business Insider’s embed). The good parts kick in around pages 12 and 26, but the whole read is actually kinda’ interesting. Plus, Poole handles his business like a pimp and makes straight hoes out of that courtroom.
Special spanks and yanks to Vince, without whom none of this would have been possible.
*flexes, points to both biceps*
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Oh belly button…you sure lookin’ thirsty for this one!
: This is about justin Bieber right?
: Yes
: He is some kind of singer?
: sort of
: He is known to induce vomiting and other related behavior?
: yes
END OF WITNESS!
Where’s the funny?
they spelled meme wrong in the transcript
I like how he doesn’t know what white nights are. I could teach him a thing or two.
Gee – adults having to ask smarmy kids what their slang means in language understandable to those outside of their tribe. Yeah, that Moot guy sure is cool. And the attorney – what a moron! Go back to class, professor!
@Mr Jones: You’re an idiot.
you’re all trolls, the whole lot of you
BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
I hope the court had adblock enabled.
BAAAHHAHAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHhahaha ha heh
the game.
^FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!
I have no further questions
He didn’t say what White Knight was because he is testifying in a federal court you fucking jackass.
There was nothing interesting about this. Not even between pagest 12 and 26. Thanks for taking 10 minutes of my life away.
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▲ ▲ all hail moot, the true queen of /b/
Alberta Hiccups, I think you and my friend Martin D should get together. You two could hang out, go to the movies, produce a child together and then name it Boring As Shit.
So Moot answered the questions properly and handled himself pretty well. Where’s the interesting?
That wasn’t really funny or epic. I was expecting something along the lines of “do you plead guilty for over 9000 counts of pictures of sinks, cheese pizza, and saying desu?” what a disappointment.
Uhh… Hate to burst everyone’s bubble, but there’s a big difference between Direct Examination (the first 24 pages) and Cross Examination (the last 4 pages).
In Direct Examination, the attorney and the witness are on the same side, so the US attorney and Moot are actually cooperating with each other. Also, in D.E. you have to ask open ended questions (“What is..?” “Can you explain…? “What does…?”), and you CAN’T ask leading questions. That’s why the questions seemed retarded.
In cross examination, the attorney and witness are hostile to each other. So the defense attorney and Moot are hostile and not cooperative. The defense attorney can ask leading questions “Isn’t it true that Rick Astley…?” “Didn’t you….?” “And the purpose of 4chan is…?”
In direct examination, you always get retarded questions because they have to be open-ended. “What is your name?” “What does Google mean?” “Can you please explain gravity?” Instead of asking leading questions “Isn’t it true that Google is a search engine?” “Isn’t ‘new fags’ a derogatory term for new users?”
pg 13, the transcriber wrote “mean” instead of “meme”
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The transcript has some amusing misspellings.
- It is called “Animu and Mango”?
- Actually, “AnimE and Mango.”
A pity that neither of the counsels introduced a video of Rick Astley as evidence. That would have been epic.
Guys, can we please put “epic” to bed now? It has no value any more, it’s meaningless fluff.
Not to mention it’s getting pretty late and Uncle McGrabbyHands has to leave early in the morning so if any molestation is going to get done tonight….well, I’m sure you understand.
DID SOMEONE SAY EPIC? EPIC FOR DA WIN??? XDDDDDXDDDDDDDD
what were the first 2 rules of b?
Anybody else notice that there were a ton of leading questions in direct ex? Anyone also wonder what the hell he was getting at with his questions?
internet user versus non-internet user… what is so funny about it? nothing funny here whatsoever.
@Arancaytar: It’s actually anime and manga, but on 4chan, it’s called animu and mango.
You would know this if you’d ever visited /a/ instead of sitting here and correcting another person’s spelling, and doing it wrong in the process.
@YourFace
I am so playing zelda too.
Quite a few Mispelings in there “mean” lol
404 yeah 4chan made that.
way too funny From the page: Q: And is there any significance to “new fags”? A: That is the term used to describe new users to the site. Q: What about “b tard”? … Q: And the term “rickroll” you said it tries to make people go to a site where they think it is