Four score and seven sharks jumped before

Yesterday Vince posted this trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, produced by Tim Burton and directed by Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted). Now we have the 25% longer version released for the Philippines market. For some reason, their version has more dialogue than the US edit. Because that’s what people in the Philippines want: more English dialogue.

The film is based on the alt-history fantasy novel by Seth Grahame-Smith. What it presupposes is, what if vampires killed Abraham Lincoln’s mother, and he avenged her death with a magic axe?  I can’t believe this movie actually made it all the way through development and is opening in 3D this June 22nd. I’m even more surprised that my dad keeps emailing me links about it.

Trailer and some pictures after the break.

[Sources: BleedingCool, WIRED, ComingSoon. Images courtesy of 20th Century Fox.]

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Four score and 28 days later.

The Asylum, the studio behind many a mockbuster, including Almighty Thor (released the same time as Thor), I am Omega (instead of I am Legend), 2010: Moby Dick, 3 Muskeeters (the other one), Battle of Los Angeles (the other one), and Titanic II (what is this I don’t even). Now they’re prepping a rip-off of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The Asylum’s version will pit Abraham Lincoln against zombie Confederates during the Civil War. HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. So historically accurate, in fact, that they sent out a casting call with photos of the Lincoln family, John Wilkes Booth, and Stonewall Jackson attached, so agents would know they mean business. When you’re going to have a guy in a stovepipe hat killing Confederate zombies, by God he had better have Marfan syndrome, or so help me. We aren’t going to sink this production with historical inaccuracies.

The casting call also calls their John Wilkes Booth character “part of the New Secret Service”. Man, I’m learning new things about history every day you guys. Anyway, if Abraham Lincoln fighting hordes of Dixieland zombies isn’t your thing (How couldn’t it be?), The Asylum is also prepping other designer imposter movies of this year’s blockbusters, including Grimm’s Snow White (to coincide with the release of Snow White and the Huntsman) and American Battleship which is like 300% more patriotic than Battleship. You too good to call yourself American, Battleship? I don’t much cotton to that no how.

[Sources: Moviehole, Uncyclopedia]

Hey, remember when Australian actress Robin McLeavy was rumored to be cast in Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov’s adaptation of “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” as Lincoln’s crazy wife?  And then Mary Elizabeth Winstead was cast instead?  Now ThePlaylist reports Robin McLeavy is back but playing Lincoln’s mom.  In other news, Alan Tudyk is also joining the cast:

Tudyk, best known for his associations with Joss Whedon (including roles on “Firefly” and “Dollhouse”), will play historical figure Stephen A. Douglas. In reality, Douglas was Lincoln’s political opponent in the 1860 election and was nicknamed “The Little Giant”, standing 5’4″ but weilding tremendous political influence. In the original novel, Douglas is aligned with the vampires of the South. [ComingSoon]

Stephen A. Douglas is aligned with the vampires of the South.  I’m just going to leave that right there for posterity.

I was hoping we were already done talking about this movie because everyone’s probably sick of these casting updates by now, but then news like this breaks and I have a chance to use that picture of Alan Tudyk above.  So it’s a Wash.  *tap dances off stage while jaunty Vaudeville piano tune plays*

By all accounts, Trent Reznor seems to be a pretty cool guy. I mean, sure the man has threatened to eff me like an animal a couple of times, but I think that’s just his way of warming up to people -which is why it was so damn exciting, last week, when we read that the Oscar-winning composer was involved in scoring the soundtrack for Timur Bekmambetov‘s upcoming Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and would additionally have a small cameo in the film.

Fast forward just a few short heartbreaking days later and, wouldn’t you know it, now suddenly things don’t look so bright for a Reznor-laden Lincoln soundtrack. Straight from the keyboard of Trent himself, he posted via his official message board an explanation of what’s going on:

Don’t believe everything you read. As it turns out, I WON’T be working on (acting or scoring) ALVH after all. There’s no juicy story here, it’s just that when the news mysteriously leaked out about my involvement I hadn’t made up my mind completely, because various aspects of the project were changing. I felt the need to say something earlier this week because my inbox was filling up with speculation, and at that moment I thought I would be doing it. Confused yet? Apparently I am. Bottom line, I wish them the best with the film and I’m sure it will still be great. Also, in all the excitement of the last note I forgot to mention we’re still fully engaged with the Year Zero mini-series, writing away.

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The banner picture is a spoiler.  OOPS.

Last Friday we reported Trent Reznor would be scoring in Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov’s adaptation of “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” (book trailer here) and would also have a cameo role as the vampire who killed Abraham Lincoln’s mother.  His role is based on historical events which totally happened for real and I should know ’cause I got an A in history at a public school.  Unfortunately this historically accurate role was supposed to remain a secret until closer to the film’s opening night on June 22, 2012.  Reznor commented at his official website:

I am friends with Timur Bekmambetov. [...] He asked me if I was interested in scoring his new film he’s doing with Tim Burton entitled “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. I was familiar with the book, read the script and it felt like an interesting challenge as a composer – very different from the Fincher films. While discussing the film with Timur he started gently pressing me to play a small role in the film. The idea was a cameo-esque role that would be kept under wraps and be a surprise around opening night. I was considering this when I awoke a few days ago to the news I am now STARRING in ALVH (which is obviously not true). F*ck. We both apparently forgot the internet existed AND THERE ARE NO SURPRISES anymore.  So… do me a favor and act surprised, OK? [Trent Reznor via ThePlaylist]

I’ll try to act surprised, perhaps distracting myself with the mental image of being gently pressed by Timur “chubby Kazakh Kevin Spacey” Bekmambetov.  Sounds positively lovely.

If you had told me back in the 90s that someday I’d be writing about Oscar winner Trent Reznor composing the music and acting in a movie about Abraham Lincoln hunting vampires, I’d have bought some weed from you and I’d also ask you why I would be writing stuff since I’d be far too busy running my handcrafted shoes for cats business in the future.  (I wanted to call it Puss In Boots but a club here beat me to the punch.)

And yet here we are, letting our cats run around shoeless (tsk-tsk) and finding out Trent Reznor — excuse me, Oscar winner Trent Reznor — is going to score Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and play the role of the vampire who killed Abraham Lincoln’s mother (historically accurate).  This news makes total sense.  Who else better understands what it means to have a head like a hole? *bowtie spins*

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