Based on a true story.

To give a quick recap, James Cameron confirmed long ago that he’s writing two more Avatar movies, but don’t call it a trilogy. The studio likely wants the first sequel to be finished before the Avatar ride opens at Disney. Don’t get your hopes up too much about that ride; they can only throw in a skosh of blue cat sex before it stops being family friendly.

One thing holding back the project is technological limitations, which is a technical way of saying “James Cameron’s hippie drill hasn’t plowed through Spongebob’s pineapple yet.” That’s not a euphemism, but it should be.

Last month producer Jon Landau said the next Avatar is “four years away”. Last week Deadline reported James Cameron spent $16.7 million on 2,470 acres in New Zealand, “fueling local speculation that he intends to make a significant portion of his two Avatar sequels in New Zealand.” Cameron’s new property is located just 12 miles away from Peter Jackson’s. They need to become best friends immediately so we can draw cartoons of them skipping down the street and drinking one milkshake with two straws at a retro diner. They will both be wearing poodle skirts in our drawings. No, I haven’t been thinking about this often; why do you ask?

But the best update so far comes from Sigourney Weaver, who spoke to Bad Taste at a film festival in Marrakech, Morocco. We’ll let Google Translate handle an excerpt from their interview:

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You know, I thought it exhausting enough just getting my lazy ass to the movie theater to see James Cameron’s Avatar. After a quick bathroom visit, a small popcorn and passing by BLUE PEOPLE in the auditorium, I figured, “Alright, well, I’m exhausted as hell.” But now James Cameron and Walt Disney Theme Parks are gearing up to magnify that experience by about a million. James Cameron and 20th Century Fox have inked a deal with the giant mouse and now will be releasing Avatar-themed attractions across a number of its parks, the first being located inside of Disney’s Animal Kingdom park. Somewhere right now, Walt Disney’s cryogenically frozen head is laughing uncontrollably and I can’t blame him.

“Avatar created a world which audiences can discover again and again and now, through this incredible partnership with Disney, we’ll be able to bring Pandora to life like never before. With two new Avatar films currently in development, we’ll have even more locations, characters and stories to explore,” said James Cameron. “I’m chomping at the bit to start work with Disney’s legendary Imagineers to bring our Avatar universe to life. Our goal is to go beyond current boundaries of technical innovation and experiential storytelling, and give park goers the chance to see, hear, and touch the world of Avatar with an unprecedented sense of reality.” [THR]

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By all accounts, Shia LaBeouf seems like a pretty honest dude. Of course, that doesn’t exactly mean I’m going to take the bait when this kid tries to sell me Spielberg’s used hoopty, but still I’d probably take a good long look under the hood. The latest cherry tree for Shia to hack down is the 3-D awesomeness that (he claims) will be Transformers: Dark of the Moon. LaBeouf, without a hint of fear in his voice, is proud to say that “It’s the greatest 3-D film ever made.”. For serious, you guys.

“We took the 3-D cameras out of the ‘Avatar‘ stages and put them on the head of a dude jumping out of a plane in Chicago while a building is exploding. For real. Four or five dudes actually,” LaBeouf said. “It’s the greatest 3-D film ever made. It’s an amalgamation of ideas from Jim Cameron, Steven [Spielberg] and Michael [Bay]. “ [HeroComplex]

Of course, Shia’s talking about Michael Bay’s latest extreme sport stiffy: base jumping in wingsuits, so naturally that’s something the writers were forced to work into the script, because he figures the human race would definetely somehow utilize it in battling giant robots. Gotcha, I’m with you on that one. Still though, doesn’t it feel a little artificial anytime someone recommends their own summer blockbuster? Answer: not when you’re the most trustworthy guy in show business!
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Look, I think it’s safe to assume that when someone creates a multi-billion dollar film franchise, that person is then allowed to live the rest of their life on a plane of existence that’s well above the rest of us. It’s at this higher level that those privileged few can experience life’s sweetest nectars, like socking a horse in the face, purchasing a mail order concubine or, in the case of James Cameron, writing three films about the same subject and then claiming that they’re not a trilogy. The dude made Aliens, for crying out loud, just let him ramble on about whatever the hell he wants to and just be sure to nod your head excitedly if he looks over this way.

In a recent interview with Fox News, Cameron was sure to carefully complicate the explanation of his current preproduction process.

We’re shooting two films back-to-back, so I’m writing two scripts, not one, which will complete a [three]-film story arc – not really a trilogy, but just an overall character arc so I’m pretty excited about that. We’re doing a lot of preliminary work right now on new software and new animation techniques and so on.

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If you thought The Hobbit was going to look just like The Lord of the Rings movies, think again. Because Peter Jackson’s announced that The Hobbit will be filmed in 48 frames per second… twice the normal frame rate for movies. The higher rate is designed to make the film more lifelike and realistic, which might be handy for a movie about Dwarves going to rob a Dragon.

As Jackson posted on his facebook page:

“We are indeed shooting at the higher frame rate. The key thing to understand is that this process requires both shooting and projecting at 48 fps, rather than the usual 24 fps (films have been shot at 24 frames per second since the late 1920′s). So the result looks like normal speed, but the image has hugely enhanced clarity and smoothness. Looking at 24 frames every second may seem ok–and we’ve all seen thousands of films like this over the last 90 years–but there is often quite a lot of blur in each frame, during fast movements, and if the camera is moving around quickly, the image can judder or ‘strobe.’”

With Jackson using digital filmmaking, there’s none of the cost of shooting in a higher frame rate, as he doesn’t have to pay for extra film. (While that might seem a minor quibble, the thousands of extra feet it can add to a film really adds up.) Jackson’s also not the only filmmaker upping their frame rate, as James Cameron recently announced that Avatar 2 will be shot between 48 and 60 frames per second. But frankly we don’t think adding any more frames of annoying blue cat-people is really going to help that film at all.

[First Showing]

We’ve replaced James Cameron’s submarine with a hippie drill. Let’s see if he notices.

James Murdoch (Rupert Murdoch’s son) interviewed James Cameron at the Abu Dhabi Media Summit.  On the topic of Avatar, Cameron mentioned a Fox studio exec who had a problem with some of the content.  Specifically, the parts of the script that beat you over the head with an environmental message (as opposed to the parts which copy the story line of Disney’s Pocahontas).

“We were worried going into ‘Avatar’ that the environmental themes — that went to a spiritually deep profound level — would actually hurt the film. Somebody at Fox, not there now, said, ‘Is there any way to reduce this New Age, tree-hugging, hippy crap?’”

I never thought there would be a day when I would be saying this, but, you know, that studio executive from Fox seems like an all right guy.  Wait, what was that?  Aww hell, there’s a red horse and some dude with a sword out on the lawn. I must have popped that damn second seal again.

[Full 41 minute interview available at ThePlaylist.]