It has begun.

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TheMarySue tipped us off to this old TV clip from Episode #3.1 of “Donny and Marie” (1977) where they do some sort of musical, um, parody?, of Star Wars.  I have no clue what this is supposed to be. Funny? Entertaining? Cromulent?  Whatever it is, there’s Kris Kristofferson playing Han Solo, Paul Lynde lip synching horribly as Governor Tarkin, an R2D2 that can’t navigate a ramp, and Redd Foxx in another room somewhere, being cut to occasionally to tell a joke and make the same face.  Also, there are dancing Stormtroopers, because this was the ’70s and you couldn’t have a variety show without a confusing dance number.

The video’s after the jump. Good luck if you can sit through the whole thing.  Holy crap, what did people do back when they had three or four TV channels and stuff like this was on all of them?  No wonder quaaludes and whippits seemed like a good idea.  I zonked out while watching this, and when I came to my face was covered in gold spraypaint. WARRIORS.

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This shark is pretty super, too.

Remember that SNL skit about the land shark? If not, what the hell, dude?  We’ll let this one slide and embed it below the other video after the jump, which is the trailer for Super Shark.  Somehow Super Shark isn’t a SyFy original, but it has all the trappings of one: a huge shark that walks on land, part-time models in bikinis, awful special effects, a Fred Olen Ray director credit, and, most importantly, a walking tank kicking a shark in the face. *righteous fist pump*

The movie stars John Schneider (The Dukes of Hazzard) delivering lines like, “that’s one bigass shark” and Jimmie “JJ” Walker (Good Times) playing radio DJ “Dy-yi-yi-yi-no-mite Stevens”.  They’re dealing with an important dilemma: a giant shark who walks on land and flies is killing people but “that beach has to be opened by the time school gets out this weekend.”  What will they do?  That beach has to be opened by the time school gets out this weekend, damn it!  THE CLOCK IS TICKING AND THESE SHARKS WON’T KICK THEMSELVES IN THE FACE!

And let us not forget this is a film with an important message, for Super Shark knocks over an offshore oil rig in one scene.  That’s the kind of ripped from the headlines stuff that makes “Law & Order” such a highly respected show.  Truly this is a film journalism students will someday study.

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GammaSquad Exclusive deleted scene.

SyFy has unleashed a bunch of Sharktopus clips that aren’t nearly as awesome as the trailer was.  Perhaps asking Twitter followers for scene suggestions didn’t lead to a cohesive film (noooo), or perhaps my expectations are just too high for a made-for-SyFy movie with Roger Corman involved.  I’m not the only one getting all “Snakes on a Plane” about this, either.  Just check out that shark/octopus homemade plush toy to the right. It was made by the “boyfriend of a friend of someone who works at Syfy”. Magnificent.

Anyway, the three clips are below.  The second one features worse acting than a local commercial for a furniture store, as well as one of the most blatant examples of using the same footage multiple times to add more runtime to a film.  And when I think it can’t get worse, the third clip comes along and Eric Roberts punches me like a spouse for underestimating this film.

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SyFy is launching a site this Friday to get ideas for a SyFy Original Movie to be released in 2011.  This isn’t the first time SyFy has asked B movie fans for suggestions.  Director Karen O’Hara previously asked her Twitter followers what stunts they’d like to see Sharktopus perform, and SyFy ran a contest to name one of their movies (none of our suggestions won, the outrage).  Speaking of asking for suggestions, if any of you intrepid readers would like to do my job for free, have at it.

The network is launching a production site, B Movie Mogul, where fans can vote and pitch ideas for the film, from title, creatures, wardrobe, dialogue and character deaths to promotional taglines.  The resulting “script” will be shot as a two-hour Syfy original movie to be released next year. [THR via io9]

Putting script in quotes was a nice touch.  Anyway, the story is going to be limited to a modern-day apocalypse film, a monster movie set in the Bermuda Triangle, or an alien flick set at Roswell.  So we can’t make it Mansquito Versus the Jersey Devil, Winner Fights the Yeticorn?  Awww, jeepers.

[Banner pic via TopatoCo]

The SyFy Channel is running a contest to name their upcoming original movie starring James Frain.  (Click the picture for the full-sized awesomeness.)  Here’s the official synopsis:

1099 A.D.: A battle-weary knight leads his men home from the Holy Land after years of fighting. But the supposedly holy relic he’s carrying bears a terrible curse, and now a murderous demon has been unleashed.  It’s up to Sir Gregory and some unlikely allies to battle this unholy scourge and stop the spread of an unspeakable evil.

 Since this is a SyFy movie, only an awful, too-literal, overly-verbose title would be appropriate.  Some examples:
 

I have to give credit to comedian Patrice O’Neal for pointing out the difference between SyFy movie titles and everything else.  Below is the NSFW audio of Patrice on Opie and Anthony.  During the show Opie, Anthony, Danny, the listeners, and (most of all) Patrice renamed real sci-fi movies as SyFy originals.  I made a list of their classic movies re-titled for SyFy:

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