On my speed dial forever.

10 enthusiastic quotes from the one positive review of Katherine Heigl’s new movie |Film Drunk|

Believe It Or Not, The Pro Bowl Wasn’t Terrible: The Game In Pictures |With Leather|

The Season 2 ‘Game of Thrones’ Trailer Will Make Your Dinklage Hard |Warming Glow|

Is Macaulay Culkin The Lovechild Of Ryan Gosling And Steve Buscemi? |UPROXX|

Pitchfork Takes A Dump On Lana Del Rey’s New Album: ‘The Album Equivalent Of A Faked Orgasm’ |UPROXX|

The Best Of #Michael Scott |UPROXX|

The Top 10 NFL Playoff Performances So Far |TSS|

WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread 1/30/12 |With Leather|

Trailer for Bobcat Goldthwait’s new movie |Film Drunk|

Nas Joins ESPN’s Winter X Games |Smoking Section|

Greatest Parents In The World |I-Am-Bored|

8 Lesser Known Groundhogs |HuffPost Comedy|

Here’s Lil Wayne’s Super Bowl Prediction |Brobible|

Please Do Not Follow These 15 Disturbing Tips |Buzzfeed|

Girls in Gaming: Killing the Cliché with Chelsea |Unreality|

Nic Cage Covers LMFAO’s “Sexy And I Know It”. Your argument is invalid. |GorillaMask|

A careful, point-by-point analysis of why Newt’s moon base idea is pants-on-head retarded |FARK|

VIDEO BELOW: Office dog never forgets the cover sheets. |via TheJaneDough|

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A scene from the classic film “Doctors Like Us” (Click to enlarge.)

The Best Of Parks And Recreation’s #Jerry Gergich |UPROXX|

WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread For 1/23/12, Where Greatness Wears No Pants |With Leather|

‘Unsupervised’ Doesn’t Deserve to Suck on the Tail Pipe of ‘Archer’ |Warming Glow|

Justin Bieber is obsessed with the 1996 Mark Wahlberg film ‘Fear’ |Film Drunk|

Violinist Clowns Jerk With Cell Phone, Becomes Internet Hero |UPROXX|

F**kable iPad inches humanity closer to extinction |Film Drunk|

You Will Never Believe How Kim Kardashian Decided That She Wanted A Divorce. (If it’s a stupid reason, I totally believe it forever.) |With Leather|

Is The Drake-Common Battle Already Over? |TSS|

Aziz Ansari Had A Miserable Time At Sundance |UPROXX|

‘Bayou Billionaires’ Is Kind Of Amazing |Warming Glow|

So Pastor Troy Is Doing Well These Days |TSS|

This Girl Can Sneeze With Her Eyes Open |GorillaMask|

This Is What You’re Missing On TV, Part 267 |I-Am-Bored|

7 TV Shows Reimagined As 90s Sitcoms |HuffPost Comedy|

10 Super Weird Names Celebrities Gave Their Kids |Unreality|

54 Uses For Binder Clips That Will Change Your Life |Buzzfeed|

Fourteen albums that inexplicably went platinum. Like Baha Men’s Who Let The Dogs Out |FARK|

VIDEO BELOW: THAT’S MY JAM! |via Buzzfeed|

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HISTORICALLY ACCURATE.

Did you like Italian Spiderman? If the answer is no, we can’t be friends. If the answer is “I didn’t see it,” all is forgiven, and here’s your chance to get in on the ground floor of something awesome from two of the Aussies behind Italian Spiderman (David Russo and David Ashby). Their new episodic webseries Danger 5 has arrived, and it’s ridiculously cheesy in a great way. Imagine the old spoof In Like Flint or the recent French OSS 117 parodies if they added dinosaurs, talking eagles with high military rank, lizard men, robots, and a plot to kill Hitler. I’ll let a couple other websites try to explain it better than I can:

There are dinosaurs with machine guns strapped to them, there are zeppelins stealing the Eiffel Tower, there are sexy 60′s style people getting sexy and apparently the Antarctic is run by dinosaur people living in a tropical forest. [DaveAndThomas]

SOLD.

Episode One Synopsis: Jackson, Pierre and Tucker are deep undercover in Nazi Germany. Armed with guns, poison, plastic explosive and raw patriotism, they plan to end World War II at Hitler’s favourite nightspot, the Black Dog. Just as the Big Man shows up in their iron sights, so does his new bullet-proof vest — made of 24-carat She-Nazis! [QuietEarth]

THIS IS MY FACE RIGHT NOW:

The trailer and first episode are below, and the next episode drops at Danger 5 next Monday (Nov. 28th) at 8:30 PM Central.

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[via]

Despite what the documentary found footage in Jurassic Park may have taught you, dinosaurs probably couldn’t run (see the dream-crushing studies here, here, and here). Since 1976 (starting with zoologist R. McNeill Alexander), we’ve estimated the speed of dinosaurs by looking at the length of their strides in fossilized dinosaur tracks. In modern animals, long strides correlate with faster movement. So far, dinosaur tracks haven’t shown signs of fast-moving dinos under the current modelling methods.

However, a new theory was presented recently by Heinrich Mallison, a palaeontologist at the Museum of Natural History in Berlin. Mallison points out, “Most dinosaurs had hind limbs that differed significantly from living mammals and birds.”

So Mallison conducted a detailed assessment of the size, shape and muscle mass of dinosaur limbs, then used engineering software to build striding models, taking gravity, mass distribution and inertia into account. For most dinosaur species, he found that stride length was extremely limited by the conformation of the skeleton. But he also saw that in comparison with mammals, dinosaurs had relatively large muscles in their buttocks, which would have changed their gait, so that the Alexander formula would not apply. [Nature]

Mallison’s striding models suggested that, although dinosaurs almost certainly didn’t run, they could have been awesome power walkers using their big, muscular butts to take short (but rapid) strides. Mallison adds, “Race-walkers get big butts and little muscle associated with their ankles, and this is exactly what we see in dinosaurs.” You hear that, dinosaurs? Pretty sure the doctor just called you fat. YA BURNT.

I’m still a bit skeptical about the whole thing. If having a big butt makes you faster, why am I not the speediest bastard alive? Answer me that, “scientists”.

The first Comikaze Expo was held in Los Angeles recently, and TheMarySue tipped us off to these two Jurassic Park cosplayers, complete with a little motorized safari jeep being pushed to its weight limit. The first video below shows Muldoon fleeing from a female velociraptor, and the second video shows what happens when a velociraptor inevitably figures out how to operate a vehicle. Life, uhh, finds a way.

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I offer no explanation for this.

13 Zombie Killerific ‘Walking Dead’ Zombie Kill GIFs |UPROXX|

You Couldn’t Pay Us Enough: Swiss Adventurers Perfect Extreme Hot-Tubbing |With Leather|

TV’s Greatest Marriage Proposals |Warming Glow|

Tensions At #OccupySesameStreet Are Heating Up (New Photoshops) |UPROXX|

2011 BET Hip-Hop Awards Cyphers: The Highs & Lows |Smoking Section|

This Week in Posters: Haywire, J. Edgar, Twilight, Dreamworks Face |Film Drunk|

‘Community’ Outtakes Are Adorable, Nerdy |Warming Glow|

Rum Diary Clips: Amber Heard parties naked |Film Drunk|

Actual Headline: Pro Wrestler Robs CVS, Gets Arrested In A Chili’s Bathroom |With Leather|

Fantastic Fest Aptitude Test |Adult Swim|

Brad Pitt Gets Hit By a Million Cars |NextRound|

The Simpsons Embrace Horsemaning |Buzzfeed|

This Has Something To Do With Occupy Wall St |I-Am-Bored|

Kid on Kid Tae Kwon Do Fighting Still Funny |The Daily What|

10 Needlessly Sexualized Versions of Everyday Products |Smoking Jacket|

81-Year-Old “Doctor” Offers Free Door-To-Door Breast Exams |Brobible|

The 9 TV Actors Who Were Never Supposed To Leave Their Castmates In The Dust |Pajiba|

VIDEO BELOW: Oskar the cat was born blind, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to defeat the wind itself. |via TheDailyWhat|

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