10. Hulk #34

Writer: Jeff Parker    Artist: Carlos Pagulayan

I’m right there with ya Rulk.

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Awhile back we reported on a Guillermo Del Toro interview where Del Toro said Hellboy 3 wasn’t filming yet because Ron Perlman didn’t want to sit for six or seven hours in a makeup chair every day when he doesn’t have to deal with that to star in the awesomely-badass “Sons of Anarchy”.  Perlman tells a different story in a long interview at io9. After discussing Season of the Witch and Del Toro’s upcoming H.P. Lovecraft adaptation At The Mountains of Madness, Perlman talked about Hellboy 3:

How can we convince you to sit through 7 hours of make up every day to make Hellboy 3?
All you have to do is convince to Guillermo to say yes to making the movie.
That’s funny, because whenever people ask Guillermo when he’s going to make Hellboy 3 he always says that we have to convince you!
Yeah he’s blaming me and I’m blaming him. I know it’s kind of like Laurel and Hardy, Martin and Lewis, or Abbott and Costello. Hellboy 2 was not an easy shoot. Both of us walked away very tired and very beat up. But a lot of time [has passed] and lot of water has gone under the bridge, I’m well healed — and just knowing what his idea was for the third installment of the trilogy and how epic and theatrical and powerful a film it would be, it’s got to be made. I really feel like its got to be made. It would be a great disservice to the first two films if you don’t see how they wind up.

He went on to say the third movie would show Hellboy facing his destiny as a destroyer of mankind, and (this shouldn’t be a spoiler after this much time has passed) we’ll get to see if those twins Liz is carrying grow horns and start fires. (Don’t all babies do that? Little bastards.) You can read that whole interview at io9.  After the jump is the audio from another interview with Perlman: his great, candid, swear-word-filled appearance yesterday on the Opie and Anthony Show.  Bonus: Louis CK was also in studio.  If I could just listen to this clip while being massaged by a unicorn, all my dreams would come true.

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The one shot crossover of Hellboy and Beasts of Burden releases tomorrow, and ComicsAlliance snagged a preview. The comic features covers by Mike Mignola [cover] and Jill Thompson [cover] and is written by Evan Dorkin and illustrated by Thompson. There’s nothing about that sentence I don’t like (except the word and. He thinks he’s so great).

The paranormal animal detectives of Burden Hill have found a case they can’t handle, but luckily Hellboy is in the neighborhood.  Although when Dorkin was interviewed back in April he totally spoiled the ending:

“Mike told us to feel free writing it as Hellboy guest-starring in our book. I think he’s going to be very disappointed when I kill Hellboy off and reveal that everything that you know about Hellboy is wrong, that he’s fated to be a deli owner in Baltimore. Nothing to do with any Beast of the Apocalypse stuff. Just gonna be slicing pastrami and stuff, then pass away from cancer. And I’m bringing Roger the Homunculus back. I think that’s my right because I like the character, and I’m an aggrieved fanboy who thinks he knows better than the creator of the character.” [...]
“The truth is, Hellboy beats the living crap out of [the animals] in about four panels, and our book is canceled because they’re all dead. The rest of the book is just like pastoral scenes of the hills and Hellboy eating paprika chicken at a restaurant.” [CBR]

Oh, man. I can’t wait.  I f–king love pastoral scenes of the hills and paprika chicken.

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“Hellboy” was a fun romp and a great action movie, even if it got more formulaic as it went along. “Hellboy 2″ was fun, too, although the fact that it was really just Mike Mignola’s characters in Guillermo Del Toro’s fantasy world became a bit distracting around the time you realized it was like Del Toro was just going down a checklist (let’s see here: clockwork? Check. Storybook world? Check. Environmental message? Check.) “Hellboy 3″, however, will also probably be fun…if it ever gets made.

The problem turns out to be not the sequel barely making its budget back in theaters, but actually Ron Perlman. It turns out that, for some reason, the dude doesn’t want to spend six hours a day in a makeup chair to reprise the role, especially now that he’s got “Sons of Anarchy” willing to feature his ugly mug, and Del Toro won’t recast the part.

It’s nice to see a movie stalled because of high standards, loyalty, and other reasons that actually make sense. We’re way too used to awesome movies being stalled because some lawyer didn’t get his ham sandwich made precisely right by his mom, and now everybody’s gonna pay. Still, kinda sucks for anybody looking for “Hellboy 3″, but at least they have “The Hob-”. Oh, right.

[ via Blastr ]

If you don’t know who Mike Mignola is then we should probably stop having intercourse with each other then surely you must know his amazing work, even if you’re not fully aware. Mike’s “that guy” who created Hellboy , along with lending his artistic/writing talents to countless other comic, television and film projects over the years. Latest news today is a preview of Mignola’s upcoming hardcover collection of stories from Dark Horse Comics, The Amazing Screw-On Head and Other Curious Objects aka AWESOMENESS: THE BOOK (at least that’s what I’m calling it). Amongst other tales included in the hardcover, The Amazing Screw-On Head and Other Curious Objects has won a past Eisner Award for Best Humor Publication, so it’s not like this thing is going to be extremely badass or anything like that, just so you know.

When Emperor Zombie threatens the safety of all life on earth, President Lincoln enlists the aid of a mechanical head. With the help of associates Mr. Groin (a faithful manservant) and Mr. Dog (a dog), Screw–On Head must brave ancient tombs, a Victorian flying apparatus, and demons from a dimension inside a turnip. This new collection of oddball Mignola creations also includes “The Magician and the Snake” from Dark Horse Maverick: Happy Endings, and nearly fifty pages of brand new material, all as weird and hilarious as the beloved Screw-On Head. [source]

The Amazing Screw-On Head and Other Curious Objects even went on to inspire a cult animated short starring Paul Giamatti, David Hyde Pierce, and Patton Oswalt, however somehow (God only knows) it failed to get picked up by the Sci-Fi Channel. But fear not friends, here at Gamma Squad we love our readers enough to include the entire animated short after the jump (22 minutes long).

Also mentioned above was The Magician and the Snake, another Eisner Award winner for Best Short Story, that Mignola wrote with his then seven-year-old daughter, Katie (Katie Mignola is the youngest Eisner Award Winner ever). The story is enough to make you feel all warm and gooey inside, so what the hell -that’s gonna’ be after the jump too (click images for full size).

Full illustrations and video below:
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“Beasts of Burden” started out as an Eisner-winning short story “Stray” in The Dark Horse Book of Hauntings. The short can be read for free here.  Now it’s a full comic series, with Evan Dorkin’s darkly funny writing combining perfectly with Jill Thompson’s adorable animal illustrations.
It follows a group of dogs and one cat who practice magic and fight evil supernatural beings, which makes it ripe for a crossover with Hellboy,
which is totally happening:

Dark Horse will publish a “Beasts of Burden/Hellboy” one-shot crossover, in which the magic-wielding pets of Burden Hill meet up with with Mike Mignola’s demonic hero. The one-shot, which does not yet have a release date, will be written by Dorkin with painted art by Thompson, with covers by Thompson and Mignola. [CBR]

Hellboy is going to be disappointed there’s only one cat.  Also, it took all my willpower not to put a caption over that inset pic saying “HELLBOY IS HOLDING A PUG.  YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.”

Picture gallery and some funny quotes after the jump:

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