Funny how the subtitle was also the lie I told myself when I screencapped this.

Below is the trailer (NSFW due to gore and very bouncy nudity) for Red Sword, which Twitch calls “Japanese splatter erotica” and the trailer calls “A story of the 400 year battle between wolf men and virgin girls” and my brain calls “a normal Tuesday”. Also, if you play 1:22 in the video over and over, you’ll probably get fired. But no one would blame you.

The full synopsis is also below, but I’ll sum it up thusly: a society of all-male werewolves rapes human women and forces them to bear male werewolf children, killing any baby girls because of a legend of one of these girls growing up and killing them. One of the girls survives to exact much-justified revenge, and she is, of course, Little Red Riding Hood. They may have taken some liberties with the original Grimm’s Household Tales there.

The film stars pinup girl Momoka Nishina (pictured above), whose bust size was listed in the trailer because they keep it classy. The film also stars Asami, who you may know from movies previously written about here, such as Mutant Girls Squad, Gothic & Lolita Psycho, and a movie adaptation of The Ancient Dogoo Girl. God I love Japan. I want to have, like, forty of its squidbabies.

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Were you always good at solving the maze on the back of your Denny’s place mat? Are you an expert at finding your way through dungeons in RPGs? Well, don’t pat yourself on the back too hard — turns out you haven’t done anything a slime mold couldn’t do.

A scientist in Japan has been studying slime molds and has found some of them are surprisingly intelligent considering they don’t actually have brains. Certain species have consistently been able to find their way out of simple mazes, organizing their cells and growing their way along the most direct route towards a food source outside the maze. Some of the molds even seem to have the ability to “remember” stressful or traumatic things that have happened to them, such as major changes in temperature or humidity.

Atsushi Tero, the guy doing this research, claims what he’s learned about slime mold intelligence could be applied to the design of electrical and transport systems. I dunno though — somehow the discovery that things called “slime molds” are actually intelligent doesn’t seem like a good thing to me, but then maybe I’ve just watched The Blob a few too many times.

via The Telegraph

Incredulous Kitten suspects something is amiss.

The video below appears to be an awesome slot car track with cars running by quantum levitation. Its creators claim to be from the “Japan Institute of Science and Technology” and they say, “Here is a short footage on our recent work on quantum levitation. We were inspired by the game Wipe’out to do our work. With this new technology, we hope to revolutionize the world of motor transport; Maybe in a near future we could assist to a real Wipe’out race.”

Now here’s the bad news: this is just viral marketing for Wipeout. Why anyone would want to produce viral marketing for wipE’out” is beyond me, unless Sony is going to release a sequel soon. (UPDATE: WipeOut 2048 is coming out for the PlayStation Vita). Although quantum levitation does exist, there is no “Japan Institute of Science and Technology”, and the scientist mentioned in the Japanese part of the YouTube description (Taju Mohn, モーンタージュ) doesn’t appear to exist. There weren’t any naked pictures of him online or anything. And I looked for hours. Got sidetracked a bit. There are a lot of naked Asian dudes online. I regret nothing.

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Who among us hasn’t had a love/hate relationship with Tetris at some point in our lives? Still seeing the little blocks while drifting off to sleep, swearing off the Tetris addiction after “just one more game”, and finally getting that long piece just a little too late. Whereas most of us eventually parlayed our Tetris habit into excellent organizing skills, others have continued their Tetris practice to championship levels.

Below are three videos of insane Tetris skill on display. The first shows a Japanese arcade player with unbelievable swag. The second video is LapSiLap’s world record run in “40 line” Tetris, clearing the 40 lines in only 21.9 seconds. I believe this player is using LockJaw, an open-source game which can be customized to remove animations and choose your keyboard commands. The third video below is an interview with Jono Pearson (pictured above), Australia’s fastest Tetris player. He says he can clear 40 lines in 24 seconds (roughly 4 pieces per second). YouTube seems to be of two minds on how much swag he has.

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Back in April of 2010, Warner Brothers paid in the “low seven figures” for Dante Harper’s spec script adaptation of Hiroshi Sakurazaka’s All You Need Is Kill. Shortly afterward director Doug Limon (The Bourne Identity, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Jumper) agreed to shake his camera at it. Then, back in October, Tom Cruise expressed an interest in starring. Joby Harold rewrote the script to age up the lead, and now Variety reports Cruise has agreed to star. We’re guessing he won’t be playing a newly-recruited soldier, as he’s 49 years old. In other news, I suddenly feel very old.

Based on the graphic novel, the original story is in the vein of “Groundhog Day,” with a twist: A soldier in a war against aliens finds himself reliving his last day over and over after being killed. Through the training and battles he experiences in these time loops, he becomes a better soldier. [Variety via ThePlaylist]

They had me at “Groundhog Day”, then kind of lost me at “war against aliens” (there’s an awful lot of that politically correct, can’t-war-with-any-humans-better-make-it-aliens trend lately), then got me back again because punching aliens in the face still sounds awesome, then lost me a little at “Tom Cruise”, then got me back again at the mental image of Tom Cruise exploding over and over, only to return like an action movie Prometheus. Stop toying with my emotions so, Warner Brothers.

Syobon action is a free Japanese video game known for looking like Super Mario Bros. while being insanely difficult and teaching players to trust nothing and hate pedobear. The game is also known as Cat Mario, Neko Mario, and dongs.exe, the last of which being the one I’m most familiar with, both in reference to this game and my weekend plans. Kotaku clued us in to an awesome bro nicknamed Chonny (Australian for “Wayne”?), who taped himself raging at the screen while trying to figure out this game which was recommended to him by an obvious sadist.

All three videos are below, but, if you only have time to watch one, I recommend the second one. There’s something especially funny about that level and watching Chonny learn what the different mushrooms do while calling everything “bro” and trying not to scream obscenities in his Aussie accent. Fffffffar out, bro.

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