Incredulous Kitten suspects something is amiss.

The video below appears to be an awesome slot car track with cars running by quantum levitation. Its creators claim to be from the “Japan Institute of Science and Technology” and they say, “Here is a short footage on our recent work on quantum levitation. We were inspired by the game Wipe’out to do our work. With this new technology, we hope to revolutionize the world of motor transport; Maybe in a near future we could assist to a real Wipe’out race.”

Now here’s the bad news: this is just viral marketing for Wipeout. Why anyone would want to produce viral marketing for wipE’out” is beyond me, unless Sony is going to release a sequel soon. (UPDATE: WipeOut 2048 is coming out for the PlayStation Vita). Although quantum levitation does exist, there is no “Japan Institute of Science and Technology”, and the scientist mentioned in the Japanese part of the YouTube description (Taju Mohn, モーンタージュ) doesn’t appear to exist. There weren’t any naked pictures of him online or anything. And I looked for hours. Got sidetracked a bit. There are a lot of naked Asian dudes online. I regret nothing.

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Who among us hasn’t had a love/hate relationship with Tetris at some point in our lives? Still seeing the little blocks while drifting off to sleep, swearing off the Tetris addiction after “just one more game”, and finally getting that long piece just a little too late. Whereas most of us eventually parlayed our Tetris habit into excellent organizing skills, others have continued their Tetris practice to championship levels.

Below are three videos of insane Tetris skill on display. The first shows a Japanese arcade player with unbelievable swag. The second video is LapSiLap’s world record run in “40 line” Tetris, clearing the 40 lines in only 21.9 seconds. I believe this player is using LockJaw, an open-source game which can be customized to remove animations and choose your keyboard commands. The third video below is an interview with Jono Pearson (pictured above), Australia’s fastest Tetris player. He says he can clear 40 lines in 24 seconds (roughly 4 pieces per second). YouTube seems to be of two minds on how much swag he has.

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Back in April of 2010, Warner Brothers paid in the “low seven figures” for Dante Harper’s spec script adaptation of Hiroshi Sakurazaka’s All You Need Is Kill. Shortly afterward director Doug Limon (The Bourne Identity, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Jumper) agreed to shake his camera at it. Then, back in October, Tom Cruise expressed an interest in starring. Joby Harold rewrote the script to age up the lead, and now Variety reports Cruise has agreed to star. We’re guessing he won’t be playing a newly-recruited soldier, as he’s 49 years old. In other news, I suddenly feel very old.

Based on the graphic novel, the original story is in the vein of “Groundhog Day,” with a twist: A soldier in a war against aliens finds himself reliving his last day over and over after being killed. Through the training and battles he experiences in these time loops, he becomes a better soldier. [Variety via ThePlaylist]

They had me at “Groundhog Day”, then kind of lost me at “war against aliens” (there’s an awful lot of that politically correct, can’t-war-with-any-humans-better-make-it-aliens trend lately), then got me back again because punching aliens in the face still sounds awesome, then lost me a little at “Tom Cruise”, then got me back again at the mental image of Tom Cruise exploding over and over, only to return like an action movie Prometheus. Stop toying with my emotions so, Warner Brothers.

Syobon action is a free Japanese video game known for looking like Super Mario Bros. while being insanely difficult and teaching players to trust nothing and hate pedobear. The game is also known as Cat Mario, Neko Mario, and dongs.exe, the last of which being the one I’m most familiar with, both in reference to this game and my weekend plans. Kotaku clued us in to an awesome bro nicknamed Chonny (Australian for “Wayne”?), who taped himself raging at the screen while trying to figure out this game which was recommended to him by an obvious sadist.

All three videos are below, but, if you only have time to watch one, I recommend the second one. There’s something especially funny about that level and watching Chonny learn what the different mushrooms do while calling everything “bro” and trying not to scream obscenities in his Aussie accent. Fffffffar out, bro.

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Necessary it is.

George Lucas needed another diamond-encrusted set of knitting needles, so Yoda is endorsing Nissin Cup Noodles in Japan. (Sidenote: the guy to the left is not George Lucas knitting it a Starbucks, but I want to believe. As one Redditor words it, “He isn’t knitting. he’s sitting there and picking holes in something good that he once made. He is doing this because that is all he knows. he is a troubled man.”)

Anyway, check out Yoda’s Cup Noodle commercial below. Ah, so that’s how he survived on Dagobah. Also, the slogan is “Boil Japan”? Sheesh, Nissin. Really courting controversy with that pro-nuclear meltdown stance aren’t you? Too soon, guys. Too soon.

[Sources: Neatorama, fyeahdementia, and Reddit.]

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If you’re scared of Chuck E. Cheese type robots, get ready to live in a world of terror, because the Japanese have figured out a way to sync mascot heads with the movement of your face.

The technology is actually fairly incredible. The system, which requires no contact on the face, scans your muscle movements constantly and reacts accordingly. Which in this video means blinking and the mouth flapping like a cuddly fuzzy nightmare creature, but has applications as diverse as helping the bedridden take control of various functions in their hospital room and helping vehicles to steer…or detect when their driver is about to fall asleep and warn them to pull over.

But primarily it’s going to be used to skeeve the rest of the world out, because that’s how Japan rolls, baby. Video under the jump.
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