Are you upset over DC’s Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons-less “Before Watchmen” project? Well buck up — it could’ve been worse. Much worse. Much much f–king worse.

Apparently Kevin Smith was, at one time, in talks to work on the prequels. Yup. Thankfully Kevin Smith himself had a moment of clarity and was all “Dan…Jim…I’m not good at this comic book writing thing. Actually I’m pretty terrible. I don’t want to ruin Watchmen, so please don’t hire me.”

Shockingly Jim Lee and Dan DiDio took his advice. I guess when you’re a high-profile creator like Kevin Smith people actually listen when you tell them you’re incompetent.

So yeah, look forward to Before Watchmen — with somewhat less rape and pants-peeing than originally planned!

via Bleeding Cool

Most people recall the character of TV’s Steve Austin as The Six Million Dollar Man; an astronaut who, following a crippling aircraft crash, would be rebuilt as a cyborg who was better, stronger…faster. Of course, if you happen to be my younger cousin, the name Steve Austin is then either associated with A) that 3:16 wrestling dude -or- B) that guy Kevin Smith talks about in An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder. So, in a sense, I guess my little cousin isn’t a complete dolt.

But it’s true, back in 1995 Kevin Smith was tapped to write a feature adaptation of The Six Million Dollar Man, a project that, surprisingly enough, didn’t ever actually end up getting made. Skip ahead sixteen years later and suddenly it seems that Smith’s shelved screenplay may soon be getting rebuilt itself.

From Smith’s never ending Twitter account:

Okay: remember that SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN script I wrote years ago? Someone’s taking that dead script & turning it into a live comic. I won’t say who it is… but it’s not their first time. [BleedingCool]

Wait -that’s it?! No 13,067 character-long explanation for why the dick jokes have parted and allowed Steve Austin’s corpse to ascend from the heavens? Okay fine, suit yourself. Surprisingly enough, at one point Chris Rock was attached to the project, but who knows what’s in store for this “live comic”.

For everyone else still scratching their brainstems right now, I’ve attached video, after the jump, from Kevin Smith’s above mentioned An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder, in which he talks about how hard it was trying to write the script for the project.

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Hey remember Superman Lives, that movie Jon Peters and Kevin Smith Tim Burton were making back in the 90s? The one Warner spent about $50 million on before putting the project out of its misery? Special effects artist Steve Johnson posted several pre-production photos of costume designs from the film at his Facebook page.  They haven’t been made public until now. For good reason.  These are so 1990′s, I was expecting a Cross Colours one to be thrown in there somewhere.  I’m not entirely sure one of these isn’t hypercolor. And I’m pretty sure I saw Brian Boitano wearing that black one.  Not on the ice, just at the grocery store last week. He’s tremendous.

Several pics and a totally related video are below.  Also, I need to know where that Nic Cage bust is now.
Er, for a friend.  I need to know for a friend.  A friend who will be storing the bust at my house.  Next to my iguana cage.

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Yesterday ComicsAlliance spelled out exactly why they hated “Batman: The Widening Gyre” #6 written by Kevin Smith, and I’m going to focus on just one part of it (you can read the rest there).  I like Kevin Smith, but he may be smoking just a little too much pot.  Case in point: would a sober man start every podcast talking about their fleshlight for ten minutes and write a comic in the official Canon where Batman pees himself?  Yeah, this happened:

Batman pissed himself. And he retroactively pissed himself during one of the most iconic moments of Frank Miller’s Batman: Year One, according to Kevin Smith. Batman. Had a “bladder spasm.” Causing the World’s Greatest Detective to fill his tights with urine. AS MENTIONED IN AN OFFICIAL, IN-CANON DC COMIC BOOK. [ToplessRobot]

The panel in question is at the above right.  Since I’m a Kevin Smith fan and admittedly biased, I thought it would only be fair to defer to the opinion of Batman himself on this matter.  What say you, Caped Crusader?

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So Kevin Smith bought three tickets on a plane.  The airline overbooked and only let him keep one of the seats he paid for.  Then they kicked him off the flight for being too fat and told him he should have bought more than one seat.  Now he won’t stop talking about it. [Filmdrunk]

HOLY CRAP. School used student laptop webcams to spy on them at school and home. [BoingBoing]

Here’s a bootleg of 4chan founder Christopher Poole (moot) speaking at TED 2010 on the importance of privacy. [Youtube]

Okay, here’s the real moot video. [Youtube]

Stephen Colbert is reading Cat Fancy.  Your argument is invalid. [WarmingGlow]

I don’t remember this version of Batman Begins. [ComicsAlliance]

I meant to post this “Live Avatar Role Playing” video on Monday, but then I forgot.  Where are my pants?  Are you my grandson?  Here, have a Werther’s Original.  [Urlesque]

Placing pictures from the past in their present day surroundings [Unreality]

Hollywood’s most eeeevil actors. [InsideMovies]

ShadyURL takes your normal link and makes it look extra dangerous. [Geekologie]

VIDEO BELOW: The most effective ad for anti-depressive medication ever. [via THD]

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Bruce Lee is lookin’ good.

Kevin Smith has adapted his Green Hornet screenplay into a ten-issue comic series illustrated mostly by Jonathan Lau.  The whole series is reportedly written already.  Smith said back in May “this is about as close as I’ll get to making that Green Hornet flick I walked away from directing all those years ago.”  Slashfilm reports:

The only plot details Smith shared are that this “story covers the passing of the torch from Britt Reid to his son Britt Jr” and that “another creative team will do a series that covers the ‘golden age’, aka the Green Hornet and Kato most folks are familiar with”. Okay – does that explain why Smith’s Kato is a lady? [...]          I suspect this is Mishi Kato, in fact, a character who has appeared in previous Hornet comics but that I’ve never come across personally myself.

Below are four alternate covers for the upcoming first issue with artwork done by John Cassaday, J. Scott Campbell, Alex Ross and Stephen Segovia.  I guess I’ll get these, if Kevin reads them to me while I lay on my couch and hold my hands out in front of me to make a square.  I’ve also heard hornets are the fiercest killers in the animal kingdom.