Okay, first I should admit that wasn’t a real quote in the headline, but it is what I heard in my head after I smashed it against the desk, and that’s close enough to reality for me. Certainly more realistic and planned out than any Stephenie Meyer prose.

For those blissfully unaware, Twilight is the seizure-inducing sparkly vampire franchise which totally invented werewolves. The movies are made by Summit Entertainment, which was bought out last Friday by Lionsgate for $412.5 million in cash and stock. Negotiations go back to 2008, but Summit was ready to sell now that their last movie in their big franchise (Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2) will be releasing this November. You may know Lionsgate as the company that has made about eleventy bazillion Saw movies. So it should be no surprise they’re now looking to milk the Twilight franchise long after what Summit planned to be the final movie. The LA Times asked Lionsgate CEO Jon Feltheimer about the possibility of extending the franchise:

“It’s hard for me to imagine a movie that does $700 million-plus [Ed.- "Breaking Dawn Part 1" has made $697 million so far, and this is why we can't have nice things.] doesn’t have ongoing value. It’s an amazing franchise that they have done a great job of maintaining with absolutely no deterioration. So the simple answer is ‘Boy I hope so.’”

The Times reports an insider told them a TV adaptation could happen. Lionsgate does have a television production unit (whereas Summit did not), so the Times asked Feltheimer if a TV adaptation was possible. He responded, “I would certainly hope so.” I imagine, after saying that, his eyes rolled back revealing dollar signs and coins flew out of his mouth to the sound of slot machines and a tugboat horn.

[Image credits: LOLblog and Pleated-Jeans]

Tim Burton is a busy, busy guy. He’s got “Dark Shadows” coming out, and that promises to be every bit as weird as the original soap opera. He’s involved in “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. And a feature-length, stop-animation remake of “Frankenweenie.”

But in an interview with MTV, he pipes up with what might be the worst idea we’ve ever heard: a “Beetlejuice” sequel.

Thankfully, this is just something in the pitch stage for now, so, Tim, you can nip this one in the bud. It’s not that we hate “Beetlejuice”. We love “Beetlejuice”. It’s hilarious, and one of the best movies of the ’80s.

But it’s been nearly twenty-five years, man. Sometimes, you need to let things go.

If you want to help us, see what you can do to get the “Beetlejuice” cartoon released on DVD. That would be a lot more welcome.

photo courtesy Airelle.info on Flickr

Oh, nothing much, just hiring a screenwriter who hasn’t had anything hit the screen in a decade or so to revamp the script and accelerating a shooting schedule. Also, Jamie Alexander (Sif, to you) is adorable but possibly not in “Thor 2″.

Let’s break it down. The script rewrite we told you about previously is going to Robert Rodat, who justifiably disappeared after writing “The Patriot” and only came back eleven years later with “Falling Skies”. The problem is Rodat writes war movies, and, well, that’s it. His biggest achievement is “Saving Private Ryan”.

And he’d better get to work: according to Loki (Tom Hiddleston), filming on “Thor 2″ starts this summer in London. And the script is in such rough shape, apparently, that some of the cast, like the adorable and diplomatic Jamie Alexander, have no idea whether or not they’re coming back.

Oh, Good Lord, Marvel. Slow your frickin’ roll. We loved the first one, all right? Take the time to make sure the second one is right.

[Image courtesy Marvel Comics, links via the warriors three of First Showing, MTV, and Deadline]

“Superman: Earth One” wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great, either. It was, yet again, DC retelling Superman’s origin story. Like they did in “Birthright”. And “For All Seasons”. And in the New 52.

On the heels of announcing that “Batman: Earth One” was hitting print three years after it was supposed to come out, apparently we’re getting a sequel to “Superman: Earth One”.

At least this one has something of a justification for hitting print: apparently, the Parasite has been completely reimagined and now he’s not just some jacked version of Grimace, or a fat purple guy hanging out in the DC supervillain underbelly, but he might actually be a genuine threat.

Still, come on, DC, you can do something else with the Big Blue Boy Scout.

[ via the time leeches at Comics Alliance ]

And it is…drumroll please…Alan Taylor!

Chuck, tell the folks at home what Alan’s won!

Thanks, Bob, Alan has won a movie that’s coming out in 2013 that needs a script rewrite and has a star that doesn’t even want the job anymore! Alan, your mission, should you choose to accept it, and apparently you just did, is clean up the total mess Marvel seems to be making of a sequel to a promising franchise through bad talent relationships and idiotic micromanagement!

Does anybody else get the feeling, the strong feeling, that we’ve got kind of a repeat of “Iron Man 2″ on our hands here?

[ via the Viking lawyers at Deadline ]

One of the consequences of Patty Jenkins leaving “Thor 2″ is, apparently Natalie Portman is not happy. She only signed up because Jenkins was an Oscar-nominated director and the first woman Marvel had hired to direct a movie, and she wanted to be a part of this arguable feminist achievement.

Now, well, not so much.

OK, Marvel, you’ve got your marching orders: female, Oscar-winner or Oscar-nominated, good with action. That means you’re giving Kathryn Bigelow (“The Hurt Locker”, but also “Strange Days”) anything she wants to make this movie. It’s not like her movie about shooting Osama Bin Laden in the face can’t wait.

[ via the feminists at The Hollywood Reporter ]