Okay, first I should admit that wasn’t a real quote in the headline, but it is what I heard in my head after I smashed it against the desk, and that’s close enough to reality for me. Certainly more realistic and planned out than any Stephenie Meyer prose.

For those blissfully unaware, Twilight is the seizure-inducing sparkly vampire franchise which totally invented werewolves. The movies are made by Summit Entertainment, which was bought out last Friday by Lionsgate for $412.5 million in cash and stock. Negotiations go back to 2008, but Summit was ready to sell now that their last movie in their big franchise (Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2) will be releasing this November. You may know Lionsgate as the company that has made about eleventy bazillion Saw movies. So it should be no surprise they’re now looking to milk the Twilight franchise long after what Summit planned to be the final movie. The LA Times asked Lionsgate CEO Jon Feltheimer about the possibility of extending the franchise:

“It’s hard for me to imagine a movie that does $700 million-plus [Ed.- "Breaking Dawn Part 1" has made $697 million so far, and this is why we can't have nice things.] doesn’t have ongoing value. It’s an amazing franchise that they have done a great job of maintaining with absolutely no deterioration. So the simple answer is ‘Boy I hope so.’”

The Times reports an insider told them a TV adaptation could happen. Lionsgate does have a television production unit (whereas Summit did not), so the Times asked Feltheimer if a TV adaptation was possible. He responded, “I would certainly hope so.” I imagine, after saying that, his eyes rolled back revealing dollar signs and coins flew out of his mouth to the sound of slot machines and a tugboat horn.

[Image credits: LOLblog and Pleated-Jeans]

Summit Entertainment (the people you can firebomb thank for the Twilight movies) has acquired the rights to Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card (who will be one of the producers, so at least there’s that).  The screenplay adaptation and directing will be handled by Gavin Hood, who was previously responsible for Tsotsi and for a movie that totally never happened called “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” but that movie never ever existed anyway la la la I can’t hear you.  Summit appears to be looking for another kid-centered series since they’ve milked Twilight for all the abstinence parables and tanned abs they can.

The book was about gifted children being trained as military strategists on a future Earth where we are at war with an insectoid alien race.  I don’t know why I’m bothering to mention the book since Hollywood is probably going to change it into something unrecognizable.  As a Deadline commenter astutely points out:

Abandon all hope.
Dear Fans,
You might love this book.
But all Hollywood sees is “Harry Potter in Space”.

FML.

[via TheMarySue, banner via PennyArcade]

Summit Entertainment, the studio responsible for Twilight (which has doomed us all), is co-producing a TV show based on their 2009 sci-fi thriller Push, which grossed $49 million on a budget of $38 million. I had to look up what that movie was about, because all I remember is Dakota Fanning in dreadlocks or something. THR says it’s “centered on people with paranormal powers who band together to take down a corrupt government agency.”  So it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

E1 Television will be airing the series in Canada.  No U.S. broadcaster has picked it up yet.  The pilot will be penned by David Hayter, the writer of Watchmen, The Scorpion King, X-Men, and X2. (One of these things is not like the others.  One of these things does not belong.)