It’s a little known fact, but nonetheless true: Leonard Nimoy is the wielder of one of the Pornstaches of Legend. Along with Charles Bronson, Stacy Keach, and Gary Oldman, he rides with his pornstache to fight evil, or at least did in the ’80s. It also scored him epic tail: photo evidence at right. That’s the smile of a man who knows he’s going to be in a threesome.

Anyway, we mention Nimoy’s facial lady magnet not because we enjoy talking about pornstaches (although we do). We mention it because recently, a promo video Nimoy would rather forget (just like Shatner’s soliloquy on the computer is something he’s buried deep in his resume, next to “Incubus”) has recently gone viral on the Internet, and it behooves us to help spread this sexual chocolate far and wide. Plus, it’s very much 1981 in a nutshell. Check it out below.

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TheMarySue tipped us off to this old TV clip from Episode #3.1 of “Donny and Marie” (1977) where they do some sort of musical, um, parody?, of Star Wars.  I have no clue what this is supposed to be. Funny? Entertaining? Cromulent?  Whatever it is, there’s Kris Kristofferson playing Han Solo, Paul Lynde lip synching horribly as Governor Tarkin, an R2D2 that can’t navigate a ramp, and Redd Foxx in another room somewhere, being cut to occasionally to tell a joke and make the same face.  Also, there are dancing Stormtroopers, because this was the ’70s and you couldn’t have a variety show without a confusing dance number.

The video’s after the jump. Good luck if you can sit through the whole thing.  Holy crap, what did people do back when they had three or four TV channels and stuff like this was on all of them?  No wonder quaaludes and whippits seemed like a good idea.  I zonked out while watching this, and when I came to my face was covered in gold spraypaint. WARRIORS.

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The week after the San Diego Comic-Con is always a ridonkulously slow news time, so let’s do what needs to be done whenever the news cycle slows down: chug Vicks 44 straight from the bottle find a classic clip of Morgan Freeman taking a bath in a coffin, while singing.  Luckily, there are literally thousands of clips like that. Literally.  Okay, just one.  It’s below, and nothing I say can prepare you for the sight of Morgan Freeman playing Dracula on The Electric Company.

If the first video isn’t strange enough for you, there’s a second video of Vlad Freeman being interviewed by some guy who I’m not 100% sure isn’t Harvey Milk, to whom Freeman confesses his love for vanilla malts.  This is very educational.

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Here’s an awesome CBC news report from the late 80′s or early 90′s on “the growing phenomenon of internet”, including astute quotes like this:

John Allen says it’s a modulated anarchy. 

“There’s an interesting kind of restraint that you find.  I mean, there’s not a lot of cursing or swearing.  There’s not a lot of personal cuts.  There’s not a lot of put downs that one would expect to find.  There’s not screenfulls of ‘Go to hell.’ it’s just surprising.” [Ohhaveyouseenthis]

Watch as the helmet-haired anchor tries to explain emoticons in his fake anchor voice.  Ah, some things never change.  P.S. Go to hell, John.  Your face is stupid.  DIAF.

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Before William Shatner was Captain Kirk and Adam West was Batman, they filmed a pilot (below) called Alexander the Great.  Shatner in a miniskirt? Bathtub scene?  Check and check.  The pilot filmed in 1964, but didn’t air until 1968, after West and Shatner had become household names.  West was hoping no one would ever see this pilot, but he of all people should know that some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb.

[io9]

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It was a great weekend for Trekkers.  Saturday was Leonard Nimoy Day in Boston, some of them got to touch a boob (probably), and the “never-before-seen” [yeah, pretty sure someone's seen it] “Star Trek” pilot was found:

“Star Trek” fans know there were two pilots for the original series.
The first, “The Cage,” was rejected by NBC for being “too cerebral” (ah, some things never change).
The second, “Where No Man Has Gone Before,” replaced the actor who played the captain with William Shatner and was more action driven. That pilot had an alternate version which was largely lost and has never aired. Apparently, a film collector in Germany acquired the print and “recently brought it to the attention” of CBS/Paramount. CBS is now releasing this version on Blu-ray Dec. 15. [THR]

Below is a compilation of scenes from the second pilot.  You may have seen it already, but have you seen it while wearing this?

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