Karen should have really followed her dream to become a stripper. Now look at her.

Once upon a time, I used to play the Nintendo Wii. Then, after that b-tch machine took away a perfect bowling score from me in the last frame of my final turkey, I vowed never to touch it ever again. My point being that NOTHING will ever bring me back to play the Wii…nothing except for maybe a pair of cheap, ghetto wings that I can strap on and play a game with. Insert the insane electronic accessories from company CTA Digital (responsible for the Wii bowling ball and rowing machine), who most recently unveiled their latest fart bomb: Wii Wings. *facepalm*

Via EscapistMagazine:

According to CTA, Wii Wings will “help you to truly experience what its like to be a bird.”

They’ll also “add a sensation that you will not feel mimicking a flying chicken with your hands alone,” and reportedly “take your flying experience to another level.” Wii Wings tout features such as “finger loops” and “Velcro closers at wrist.” Don’t forget to follow CTA’s instructions while using Wii Wings either:

1. Slide fingers into finger slots
2. Secure wrist strap
3. Flap your wings and fly

I’m a little perplexed as to why they’d forget to mention the most obvious instruction, 4. Fulfill your life’s ambition to someday look like the biggest doucher of all time. To make matters even more embarrassing, the Wii Wings are designed for use with only one specific Wii Fit mini game, meaning that if you find yourself enjoying your wings for longer than a half hour, then you are surely under the influence of some really powerful medication.

Special thanks to engadget for the tip.

Majesco Entertainment, makers of Cooking Mama, are looking to break into the lucrative moralistic high school home ec assignment market with a game that simulates all the fun of babysitting a newborn.  The game even comes with a baby doll peripheral you can drop on the floor before being court ordered into virtual family counseling (I would assume).

Due out this holiday season for the Nintendo Wii, Babysitting Mama features more than 40 different activities, all revolving around a plush baby with a Wii remote stuffed inside of it.  Players will rock the baby, bounce the baby, feed the baby, and change the baby, all the while trying not to stare in horror at the nunchuck cord snaking out from the depths of the baby’s innards. [Kotaku]

So what happens if you throw the peripheral into a dryer?  Do you triforce? Can Majesco have Babysitting Mama do a crossover with their successful Cooking Mama series and call it Cooking Baby?  Can this post not devolve into a bunch of dead baby jokes?  Depends on how hard you throw them.

This peripheral reminds me of the Wiiwaa promo from 6 months ago.  Here’s a video of that:

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Most of us gave up on VR quite a while ago, as this bemulleted, acid washed picture can attest. But some won’t surrender the dream, most notably Nirav Patel, a gamer and home hacker who took one look at the Wii-Mote, a teeny little projector, and the Wii “Zapper” (’tis not the One True Zapper, whatever Nintendo says) and decided the three needed to be put together immediately.

Currently, it only runs an open source FPS called Cube, and that’s off the laptop strapped to Patel’s back.  But it’s still pretty neat.  A gyrometer keeps track of the pitch and yaw, the Wii-Mote and nunchuck offer up buttons to control weapons, movement and so on, and a laser projector actually puts the screen up on the wall.

There are obviously some drawbacks, like needing a dark room and a big white wall in your house to play the game, but this would probably be a great gimmick for horror games.  If nothing else, it might finally make those Doom 3 flashlight levels scary.  Crappily shot but still informative video after the jump:

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Completely reliable English paper Daily Star published an article titled “NINTENDO WII MADE ME NYMPHO!”  (Stay classy, British press.)  They interviewed Amanda Flowers, 24, from Harpurhey, Manchester, who claims a fall from her Wii Fit damaged a nerve and now she is cursed with Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, sometimes having orgasms from any surrounding vibrations, like food processors and the cell phone she suspiciously still leaves on “vibrate”.  The poor dear!

“With no cure I just have to try to control my passion by breathing deeply. Hopefully one day I’ll find a superstud who can satisfy me.” [Daily Star]

I only have one question.  Well, okay, lots of questions, but only one I can write here:  how exactly did she fall off the Wii and how/on what did she land?  This is important.  In the interests of the “retest” step of the scientific method, I have to repeat her results in your sister.  Oh, snap.  (Just don’t snap too forcefully, or, you know . . . the vibration.)

Below is a video of the only Wii-related injury I’ll ever accomplish:

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Of course Space Invaders will be a movie. [Filmdrunk]

News team demonstration of a Wii game turns into a sexy party. [WarmingGlow]

The Chatroulette experiment.  Surprisingly, men on the internet would rather talk to S. Tran’s hot wife than to him. [Uproxx]

Another Uproxx Feature: finding the perfect jeans and taking care of them.  I just steal some from the neighbors’ clothesline, and that takes care of that. [Uproxx]

10 of the best female action figures.  The Harley Quinn is awesome. [ComicsAlliance]

Goalie gets totally pwned by physics during German League Soccer game. [WithLeather]

Hurley from Lost parties in the USA.  Let me see you move those hips like ‘yeah’, Hurley.  [InsideTV]

It’s a good thing the MPAA warned me about the smoking caterpillar.  I would have been scarred for life if I had seen something interesting.  [InsideMovies]

VIDEO BELOW: Super-slow motion dogs catching treats. [via CollegeHumor]

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PICTURE: Geez, Mars, get it together. [via Geekologie]

A guide to Hollywood’s definition of ugly. [Uproxx]

Videos of trees falling on power lines?  Okay, if you insist, Urlesque.

The new trailer for Prince of Persia, still starring a white dude. [Filmdrunk]

6 most memorable early Real World departures [Uproxx]

“Evil Shatner looks like Rip Torn.” [WarmingGlow]

I think Uncle Marc and Aunt Colette are looking forward to this party. [NextRound]

The Best and Worst Super-Heroines In Comics [ComicsAlliance]

Ghostbusters Wiimote mod [Unreality]

HBO greenlights “Game of Thrones” fantasy series. [InsideTV]

VIDEO BELOW: A two-legged dog aptly named “Hoppa” gets a custom prosthesis. [via Arbroath]

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